Island hopping at its finest

Why do New Yorkers move so much?

I've often wondered this, and after spending an excess amount of time in the back of U-Hauls pondering this, I think I have arrived on the answer we've all been waiting for. New Yorkers are (more often than not) transplants. We are the people who fidgeted in class. We are the ones who took the random-ass trips that made no sense and had everyone rolling their eyes.

We moved to New York because we all have commitment issues and feel the need to always be on an adventure. And what city can you live in that has a "Little" bit of EVERYTHING?! Yes, we have Little Italy and Chinatown, but did you know that one of the neighborhoods in NYC is the "Ukranian Village"? Now ya do!

We move because the next adventure is only a mile away. The new coffee shops and bars. The new shops and rooftops. The new sexy people sitting across from you at your subway stop. Yes, we still travel when we can, but when we hop around the islands and boroughs of New York City, we have a new adventure every day.

So yes, I moved. I thought it would be as easy as my moves always are. I'm such a minimalistic person, how could it NOT be easy?! After taking a month to move, I have now arrived at the realization that I am not QUITE the minimalist that I once believed I was. Let me tell you though, if you ever feel like your wardrobe (or LIFE for that matter) needs a little cleansing, move into a tiny apartment in Manhattan.

I have had one of the wildest months of my life, so I will do my very best (as always) to not bore you with the details, and just recount all of the bullsh*t I've been going through.

It all started on a beautiful Friday night of prosecco drinking. Andrew got a job!!! Meaning that he would not be moving back to Australia (which he had been hinting at for the better part of six months at this point). The next day, Saturday, we looked at an apartment on the Lower East Side. The day after that, we put our deposit down on the apartment. 

How Andrew measures bedrooms

The following week was the definition of a whirlwind for the both of us. I left my ID at the realtor’s office. What did this mean for the rest of the week? Oh, it meant that not only could I NOT get the money from the bank that I needed to pay first month’s rent, but also: I could not buy drinks. So, no alcohol for stressed out Mary, which makes for an even MORE stressed out Mary. (Hate talking in third person, but in this instance it gets the point across better).

We came to the conclusion (due to lots of factors that will bore you) that we needed to rent the apartment out ASAP. So in Andrew's panic, he went on Craigslist and hired members of the Ukrainian mob (here we go with Ukraine again) to move some furniture for us. As I'm sure you could predict, this did not bode well for us. Upon the arrival of the scary truck with the mobsters, they claimed that they had "nooooo idea" that we lived on the fourth floor, and would need another $100 in payment. They proceeded to close AND LOCK the truck with everything Andrew had just bought inside.

Next, there was A LOT of yelling. From Andrew threatening to call the cops. To them yelling stuff in Ukrainian, to me just asking them "to be good people," which ALWAYS works when you're dealing with the mob.

The end result? They dumped everything on the sidewalk. I then guarded it while Patrick and Andrew carried everything upstairs. And by "everything," I am excluding the huge wardrobe that they attempted to carry up, but ended up bringing back to the sidewalk in pieces, as it did not fit up our tiny new stairwell.

We then had endless hours at IKEA (in case you somehow don't know this about me... I HATE IKEA), somehow convinced an Uber XL driver to drive a very large couch in his very nice car for us, and Andrew, in two days, somehow found someone to rent out his room while he was in Australia.

Shout out to all of our friends, who managed to calm us down and remain friends with us after we kept showing up to events with empty eyes and twitchy arms.

Andrew then left for Australia, and thus began the leg of a whole new journey. Andrew had bought this couch (the night of the Craigslist mobsters), but since we got another couch (uber XL driver night), we didn't need the first couch. So I posted to Craigslist... one would think that I had learned my lesson by now, but NO.

I got scammed. Like REALLY BAD Craigslist scammed. In my confusion and exhaustion of moving, I didn't pay attention to the sketchy person that I was selling my couch to. The person that was "sending movers" and "sending me a check". YES I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED. I was just in a bit of a hallucination for a month there (again - AMAZED I still have friends).

This whole "Craigslist IKEA Couch Scam" thing went on for well over a week. At one point, I called my friend Daniel to tell him I thought it was kind of weird that these people had sent me WAY too much money via check, and he immediately yelled "ABORT MISSION" into the phone which is what got me thinking that it may actually be quite a sticky situation.

After sauntering into Wells Fargo with a sheepish grin on my face, I finally put the whole business to rest, after Courtney told me how stupid I was several times, but hell, she was right.

immediately after Courtney told me how stupid I was

With the assistance of... a lot of people, I moved the last of my things to our new shoebox apartment and realized something PRETTYYYY quickly. I had moved in with a psycho. Like a crazy, don't feel safe here, run for your liiiife deranged B*tch.

But that story is for another day; be on the lookout 

Meanwhile, take a look at all of my beautiful friends who helped me move!!!

Side note: View from the new roof... WORTH IT.